


It's Ok to Ask for Help

by akgerhardt



Series: SFW [12]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst and Comfort/Healing, M/M, Night Terrors, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-11-06 16:19:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17943095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akgerhardt/pseuds/akgerhardt
Summary: Everyone else seemed to move on just fine. He feels pathetic, so he tries to handle it himself until he reaches his breaking point.





	It's Ok to Ask for Help

From what she understands, he used to enjoy dreaming. Considering fictional escapism was his sole source of comfort, it became his go-to coping mechanism when he couldn’t avoid harsh reality.

He liked fantasy to a healthy extent as a kid, make-believing and all that jazz. The night he found his grandma's corpse in the woods was probably when the equilibrium was disrupted, so to speak. He was completely and utterly alone, left to fend for himself on an island full of bloodthirsty beasts. He still finds it funny to picture them raising trolls. Maybe if he had donned grey paint and horns, at least one of them wouldn't have tried to kill him. Heh… Of course, the tinkerbulls were absurd amounts of friendly, but-

She gently interrupts, redirecting his attention. He apologizes again and tries to ramble in the right direction until they're out of time. Oh, frigadelic, he omitted his whole reason for coming. Consarn it, you scattered buffoon, get your ducks in order!

“Ah. Do you perchance have someone scheduled for the slot after me?”

     “Yes.”

“I see. My apologies; your objective commentary was helpful, but-”

     “Jake, no more unwarranted apologies. I want you to work on that this week.”

“Right, s- … swell. Thanks.”

He makes another appointment at the front desk, then leaves. For chrissake, why is this shit so expensive? He needs to learn how to budget properly. Surely there are things he's wasting money on. He can cancel his video streaming subscription! … On second thought, he would prefer to go back to not dealing with his issues. This is a real conundrum he's gotten himself into. Why can't he just man up and move on like everyone else seems to? Look at Jane, she- she and her father are happy as clams running CrockerCorp 2.0. Wasted not a minute getting back on the horse. Dirk’s building his robots and good relationships with his bro and companions, Roxy’s in cohorts with Callie and the carapaces, and her motherdaughter is… On second thought, maybe he could bother her for advice.

**\- golgothasTerror [GT] started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 17:54 -**

**GT: Warm greetings madam! Hope all is well with you and yours!**

**GT: Im terribly sorry to intrude on what little freetime you have between your critical tasks but if you have a moment could i run something by you?**

**TT: Hello, Jake. What’s going on?**

**GT: Ah ever the speedy replier heheh. Well you see i sort of think i could benefit from the counseling youre so fond of. You know... talk therapy and the likes.**

**TT: I'm afraid I'm not a “real” psychologist.**

**GT: Youre aces at it are you kidding? A regular professional!**

**TT: I’m flattered, but I unfortunately can't become certified on recommendation alone. If you're seeking someone to play the part of listener, though, the doctor is in. What brings you to my stand, and do you have any spare nickels?**

**GT: I dont sorry.**

**TT: How about a nonexistent one?**

**GT: Erm… Come to think of it yes! Take all of my pocket change. Much more affordable than a so called authentic session.**

**GT: *CLINK!***

**TT: Thank you, continue.**

**GT: Righto! Okie dokes lets cut to the chase.**

**GT: Im afraid of sleeping.**

**TT: Why is that?**

**GT: Its silly really. Everyone gets nightmares! But ah mine appear to have been worsening all my life to the point where im scared of shutting my eyes. Pathetic right? Heh…**

**GT: Im trying to get on a dirk schedule because that man is insanely productive but its so flippin hard. Hes got nerves of steel and i just keep hitting the metaphorical pillow by accident even during the daytime which is not good.**

**GT: Mind you that wasnt my initial solution. I tried herbal remedies music meditation sniffing scented candles in the yuppies store at night. You know the works! I even went on medications a while back but each one made them a bazillion times more frightening and my waking hours were hellish so i had to discontinue use. Friggin waste of money i say.**

**TT: I'm going to have to stop you there. Jake, you need to sleep. So does Dirk, but that’s an entirely different matter. You’re not accustomed to deprivation like he is, and it's incredibly dangerous.**

**TT: It isn't normal to have chronic nightmares. Is there an overall theme? What are they about?**

**GT: Sorry id rather not bring that up. Trust me ive already bruised my gums prattling on to a licensed therapist about the underlying malarkey.**

**GT: Its not even triggered by stress or what have you. Theyre generally unpredictable and all over the place.**

**TT: That may be a byproduct of an overactive imagination. You said you take time to relax and decompress, but do you channel your energy into healthy outlets?**

**GT: For sure! I do LOADS of things when i have the energy to.**

**TT: And you've talked about everything you can think of, along with using suggested coping mechanisms?**

**GT: Yeah...**

**TT: I'm sorry; I'm at a loss. I wish I knew how to help.**

**GT: Oh its alright! Really i appreciate you taking time out of your busy schedule to shoot the breeze with this bean.**

**TT: If it becomes worse, please consider seeking inpatient care- a sleep study might be useful. In the meantime, allow yourself to rest. I'm always here if you’d like to chat.**

**GT: Thank you kindly! But ive got to message for less self serving purposes its a bad habit. How have you been?**

**TT: Great, actually! The hatchlings keep us on our toes, but they’re adorable.**

**TT: Jake?**

**\- golgothasTerror [GT] is now an idle chum! -**

**TT: … You fell asleep, didn’t you? Don't worry; that’s what you should be doing. I hope your rest is peaceful.**

**\- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT] at 18:41 -**

**GT: Fucking hell im so sorry i dozed off for a few but im still here!!**

He sighs, rubbing his brow. He’s got a whopper of a headache and no amount of painkillers will alleviate it. The adrenaline from what he just witnessed is making his hands shake, but she thankfully hasn't come back online. He decides to get lost in the woods for a while to distract himself. It’s a chilly day, but at least the ground’s dry.

He was fired from his minimum wage job due to nodding off repeatedly, and the weeks to come find him penniless. His roommates boot him after the second missed rent payment, and he begrudgingly asks to crash with the only person he knows who has space to share. He has no problem with it, considering he still technically lives there. It’s been a while- two months with little contact. Jake was convinced his actions were unforgivable, but Dirk isn't sixteen anymore. He’s more mature than that.

When he opens the door, he’s caught off-guard. Jesus Christ, he looks like a homeless crackhead. He heard through the grapevine that he was having sleep issues, but… nothing could have prepared him for this. Most people would pretend everything's fine to be polite and avoid embarrassment. Unfortunately, Dirk is not like most people.

“Howdy! I apologize for the tardiness-”

     “Holy fuck, Jake. You’re a walking corpse.”

…

“Sorry.”

     “No, I- Come inside.”

He takes his bags, and the floodgates open. He’s led to the couch, where he slumps and pulls his knees to his chest. Dirk hesitates before awkwardly offering him a stack of takeout napkins. Only chumps buy tissues.

Jake mumbles his appreciation, and now Dirk’s the one at risk of losing composure. This is fucking terrifying. The dude who was once happy-go-lucky (and in regular contact with him) has never seemed so unwell. He grabs a blanket to drape over his shoulders, at a loss.

     “Jake. Hey. Stay with me.”

He apologizes again between nose-blowing.

      “... I may have been made aware of your problem, and I need to know if you've gotten more than ten fucking hours of sleep this week.”

He shakes his head, apprehensive. Dirk is officially panicking.

     “Ok, it's fine, you’ll be fine, I'm on it.”

“... What do you-”

He straight-up tackles him like they did when they used to wrestle, and Jake yelps, falling backwards. He holds him down firmly, but Jake has no energy to struggle.

“Dirk, what in the- blazes are you doing? You... have every- right to be pissed, but... I- I-”

He loses consciousness, and Dirk eases up. What was he thinking? He knocked out his best bro for the sake of shuteye, and he'll probably be scarred when he comes to. Goddammit, that was stupid.

…

He hugs the Jake burrito to his chest, trying to chill. He'll be ok; he’s just tired. He’s not on the brink or anything. He needs a good snooze is all.

Dirk’s clingy side is grateful to have him back in his arms, because he feels that he can control the situation if he’s physically safe. It’s kind of a relief, to be honest- he’s become his security object. He is pretty tired, too, so he allows himself to relax and joins him, not loosening his grip.

He’s never dreamed; the closest thing to it was on Derse. As such, he’s not aware that he's having his first one. Dream logic dictates that you don’t question the existence of gruesome monsters or tragic disasters, let alone deeply unsettling experiences. You just flee from them.

The amalgamations of fears and bad memories that aren’t his own assail him at every turn. He can’t fight them, think clearly, or make sense of this lawless dimension, and it’s becoming overwhelming. He imagines an acid trip gone wrong would have nothing on this.

Without warning, it changes. He’s a lethal predator, pursuing Jake mindlessly through a jungle. He swoops down in seconds and catches him, carrying him off to a cliff. He pins him under his sharp claws, eyes glowing. Another successful hunt.

“Please make it quick… I- I'm sorry!”

…

Pleading with a goddamn dragon and apologizing for nothing? What kind of bullshit-

Dirk freezes, going cold as realization dawns on him. He releases him and attempts to speak, but it's just a weird roar accompanied by billowing smoke. Jake shuts his eyes, bracing himself.

Unable to talk, he picks him up gently and sets him in his cave so he won't fall if he tries to escape. Jake’s still under the impression that it's natural selection time, shaking as Dirk leans closer to examine him. He’s scratched up, but otherwise fine. He turns away to stop puffing hot air over him. He hopes he doesn’t have dragon breath.

...

“Er, Mister- Miss Dragon? … Your Majesty?”

There has to be some way to communicate. Figuring it won't be any scarier than what he's already done, he boops him lightly with his snoot, then lays his head down.

Jake blinks, stilling. Dirk blinks back.

Cautiously, he reaches out to pet him. Dirk inches nearer for him to do so. He feels just a little like a scaley.

“You've… always torn me to shreds in the past.

…

Wait. I-”

The scenery changes again. They’re surrounded by flames and destruction as worlds and lives end and all of the villains from their past rampage with the nightmare creatures. Jake’s limbs are chained to a large wall that talks like a muppet and makes comments about his ass. His attire is akin to Slave Leia and Jane is Crockertier again, abusing the daylights out of him. Dirk rushes over, sword in hand, only to find that he’s nonexistent. They can't see him, and he can’t physically stop her. Oh, god, is this a recurring one, too? He looks away, feeling sick. He must be capable of improving _some_ aspect of his dreams.

Hope powers alter reality, right? And his soul splinter, that brain ghost dude- is that who he is here? It was a shock whenever he projected as him, but now he's peeping at his subconscious, and it's a dumpster fire. What can he do about it? Jackshit.

…

No, Jake wouldn't give up on him. Hope, think. How the fuck does it work? That fluffy bs about believing...

He’d rather fight the monsters.

     “Shit, let’s be hopeful.

     Do you hear me, Jake? You can… do it, whatever “it” is. This isn’t real! You’re just dreaming, and you can regain control. It’s going to be ok. You’re not in this alone.”

He focuses and tries to remember the triggers of Jake’s powers. Raw, unbridled emotions? Positive thoughts? … Faith, trust, and pixie dust? No, absolutely not.

     “You have the ability to end your nightmares. Believe it! Believe in yourself. Believe in the me that believes in you. You can change this!

     … Look, I'm glowing like fucking Goku.”

It’s faint at first, but then it's blinding. When he regains sight, they're in an abyss of white, appearing normal again. 

“Dirk? What... I- Where are we?”

He shrugs, not inclined to rehash his cheesy monologue.

     “Think you stopped your nightmares- hope thing, probably. Most people would give anything to do that.”

The same realization that Dirk had earlier is now dawning upon Jake.

“... I'm dreaming?!”

Nod, nod.

“Holy smokes... I was never aware before! And you- you're dreaming as well?”

     “Apparently. You’ve been through hell, dude. It was beyond fucked up.”

Jake’s elatement falters. Shit, that’s the opposite of what he should be doing. Dirk hugs him tightly in an attempt to comfort him.

     “Hey, no, you’re safe now. You magic-ed your own goddamn brain through sheer willpower and godliness. You did the impossible, like usual, to heal yourself.”

He exhales shakily.

...

“It was… bad. The mind is a faulty meatball capable of fabricating the most terrifying illusions imaginable.”

     “But it's over, and you’re ok. That’s all that matters.”

“I should remain unconscious for an entire week to catch up,” he laughs. They’re still hugging, but it has yet to become awkward.

     “I'm just sorry that it went on for so long.”

“At least I still have some brain cells left! All's well that ends well, right?

…

I’m sorry for leaving like that instead of telling the truth. Making up baloney excuses and whatnot whenever we talked. You likely gathered that I was neither traveling abroad nor auditioning for infomercials, just having breakdowns in the fetal position from the luxury of a communal tub. Heheh...”

     “Honestly? I kind of knew, and I feel like a dick for not intervening sooner or even asking if you were ok. The thing about night terrors is that they tend to be obvious. Remember all the times you fell out of bed? Just the tip of the iceberg.”

He nods against his chest, and then they're in a peaceful meadow. Dirk glances around in awe of the realistic beauty.

“... I've got to find a new job and go back to my therapist... Get untraumatized from the self-inflicted frights, heh.”

     “If you ever want a layperson’s assistance, I’m here.”

“That’s much appreciated, but you don’t have to deal with my malarkey! When I wake up, I’ll get out of your hair.”

     “Nah, I want you in my hair... Just not literally, because this shit is art.”

He giggle-snorts, and Dirk smiles to himself, relieved.

…

“I really missed you. I wasn't thinking straight, and I didn’t want to subject you to it-”

     “Just know that I'd prefer if you stayed so I can be supportive and shit. You've put up with my issues more than anyone should have to, but you helped me, a lot.

      … Not to mention, it sucked living without you. I was a lonely bastard.”

“It was rotten of me, and I'm so sorry-”

     “No, no. I'm fine, and it's in the past. What I meant to say was that I missed you too."

Jake's floating and clinging to him like a koala now. Dirk chuckles, stroking his back.

     “Oh, been meaning to tell you- those entrepreneurial nakodiles are considering a tech startup, but they need a CEO. You'd be the perfect man for the job. I'll endorse the fuck out of you if you wanna keep your grandma's legacy alive.”

"That sounds like a capital plan," he grins.


End file.
